Dear Future Lover, From a Woman With Borderline Personality Disorder


By Rachael Seider

Dear future lover,

Love me as a whole.
I will give you my soul.
When we get into a small fight,
The fear that you will leave me feels right.

When you say something I don’t like,
I want to say, “Take a hike.”
Baby, please stay.
Accept my fear.
Please, don’t shed a tear.

Dear future lover,

If you make even the smallest mistake,
My heart may break.
I may try to push you away once more.
But please, understand what I am doing it for.

Give me some space.
When I forgive you, I will race,
Race right into your loving caress.
My next episode is our best guess.
Together we can beat my borderline.
Working as a team,
We’ll be just fine.

Dear future lover,

Some days, I may forget what I believe in.
My values may temporarily stray.

But soon, I will awake.
My identity can never permanently break.
I will cherish the love we share.
I will breathe it in like the air.

Dear future lover,

Like my identity, my emotions can flip.
It may not take much for me to tip.
One second, I will be in a state of bliss.
The next second, I may look at you and hiss.

You might not know the cause.
Simply understand that emotional struggle is one of my flaws.
Know that it is not you.
It is everything that I have been through.
Loving me may be rough.
Remember to let the love I give you be enough.

Dear future lover,

Be honest with me,
Just the way you should be.
I trust you with all of my being.
This scares me so much I feel like fleeing.

I may try so hard to keep you that I wind up losing you.
Instead, please work with me to resolve the anxious things I do.
Be clear and firm.
In time, I will learn.
I will learn that anxiety is not my friend.
Not if I want to be with you until the end.

Dear future lover,

Love me as a whole.
I give you my heart and soul.
I trust you with all of my being.
This scares me so much I feel like fleeing.

I will try to push you away.
Baby, please stay.
I cherish the love we share.
I breathe it in like the air.


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